Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
