We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
