Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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