Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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