Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
