Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
