You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
