Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we're so committed to being not committed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize