i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
