I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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