There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
