if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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