How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
