I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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