I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
