i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
