I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
