flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Girls should come with a carfax report
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
