some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
