Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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