ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
