upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize