yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
