i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
