we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
