OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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