it hurts more in the daytime
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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