I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
