now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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