Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
