just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
