If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
