I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
