life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
