around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Acid is not a monday night drug
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
