I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
