Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
