I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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