Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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