Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's never too late to be topless.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
