I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
