I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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