She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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