he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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