My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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