dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like a drive thru vagina
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
