It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
