She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
