I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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