I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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