I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
