Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
