So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
one might say we're banned from that church
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
