I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
