what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
