Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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