i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
