She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
