i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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