Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
