He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize