this beer tastes like vomit already
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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