I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
