so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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