Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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