YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dicks are not precious.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
