If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize