Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
