im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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