im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
