I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize