U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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