Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
